By Evan Lisull

GINGRICH: Why is that our problem? I mean, why — what — if the — if the — what — what is it — why are we protecting these guys? Why does it become an American problem?

Of course, Newt’s issue isn’t the chinamen (dude, not the preferred nomenclature – Uighurs, please), and he is right that this shouldn’t be an American problem – after all, as Hilzoy has painstakingly pointed out (executive summary), this has absolutely nothing to do with this country’s Jihad on Terr-ah OCOFKAGWOT. Or at least, until the Bush Administration decided to name them a terrorist organization, in spite of the fact that the Uighur-Chinese conflict was, as Newt implies, not an American problem. It became an American problem when we proverbially peed on their rug, keeping them detained for seven years even though the administration detaining them found that they were not, in fact, enemy combatants.

Like his Lebowskian counterpart, Newt is more right than he will ever know. This shouldn’t be an American problem, just as the soap opera of internal Pakistani politics shouldn’t be an American problem, just as the conduct of the Cayman Islands should not be an American problem. Newt and his new BFF Harry Reid want to act as though America can simply draw a line in the Sonoran sand – “across this line, you do NOT” – ignoring the fact that this line was weakened the minute we started playing world police, dropping bombs intermittently on those countries with names we couldn’t pronounce. Playing fast and loose with international sovereignty cuts both ways. Oh, but, y’know, 9/11. Rule of law? Bitch, please.

Meanwhile, FOX had better start drafting “Meet the Uighurs.” First episode: “Ham Dinner Hijinks.”