Riddle me this, riddle me that, who’s afraid of a big Fat Cat?

Give up? It’s not the US Congress! I know, I was shocked too. Here’s the thing: while I was waiting for something to set me off this week, Congress, true to form and typical of fashion, decided that the thing which would solve the increasingly expensive health-care burden in this little nation of ours was to spend money.

Lots…and lots…and lots of money.

I may not be a mathematician (2+2 still equals 5, right?), but it seems to me that $829B dollars is quite a bit of money to spend when nobody has figured out a good old-fashioned solution to the problem. Allow me to throw my hat into an otherwise unpopulated ring: reduce some costs (?)

Amerigo Vespucci, Who Had It His Way

This is going to sound crazy: what if, instead of making health-care coverage more affordable, we just tried to make it cheaper?! ‘Gosh Kyle,’ Amerigo Vespucci would say, ‘if you can figure that out, they should name the country after you instead!’

Seriously friends, Italian explorers aside, my little solution is Tort Reform (go on, you can say it, my “new solution” is deregulation, “how Republican!”).   But it goes beyond that because, and let me be as frank as possible, what’s really got me red-under-the-collar is the ridiculous amount of money spent by the government to which I’ve had the privilege to pay taxes.

“Do you smell bacon, Garth?” “Yes, I definitely smell a pork product of some kind.”

There are lists that detail some excesses in government “porkery”, but I won’t bore you to death. The fact of the matter is that my inner deficit-hawk screams bloody murder at $829B. And to be fair, I realize that there are certain thresholds: “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to be free” doesn’t come cheap, and it is our (cliché alert!) moral imperative as the only remaining superpower.

Bridge Anyone?

Ready to be terrified? Bill Clinton was right………to want a line-item veto. Are there projects that need to be funded from which some people won’t see an immediate impact?  Sure, but those are projects like maintenance on the Port of Los Angeles…they’re big picture; Defense spending is another one. But really, if you’re on Air Force Two, do you really need gold-leafed playing cards? In fact, let me be perfectly clear: if you’re on Air Force [Insert number here], or a government craft of any sort, you do not need gold-leafed playing cards.

As a parting thought, friends and neighbors, how about one of Disraeli’s “third type of lies”: average pay for US Congressmen (not including bribes)- $174,000 per annum; average pay for public school teachers (not including apples and birthday cupcakes) – $51,000 per annum. What a country…