America: dedicated to life, liberty, and the pursuit of property. Our European forefathers came to this big piece of land, unaware of what “big” truly was, and claimed themselves boss. They decided to plop their big white asses down on this new geographical gem, and shoot anyone that looked too exotic. Exploration and colonization of this grand land is euphemized in holidays like Thanksgiving, where primary education wills that we teach kids of the heroic colonizers, dressed head-to-toe in white collars and black loafers, who apparently were BFF’s with the natives: the natural world was the known one.

Colonization aside, smart, evolved humans enacted political power that didn’t agree with everyone. One dark night in 1773, a group of rebels took to the streets of Boston and dumped that nasty British tea in the name of protesting unjust taxation—perhaps also because Americans are bitter that they don’t know how to make it properly.

From that dedication arose exactly what we were missing: a sense of nationalistic pride. Thus completes The United States: red, white and blue; friendly flute tunes, and lots of hard cider.

Starting at 5:35, the imprisoned soldiers of this WWII film, The Great Escape, celebrate the Fourth of July while stuck behind bars in Germany. Even in this parody of Americans in rags, boozing it up to throw off those German bastards, Steve McQueen drive a note of earnest colonial roots. Unlike Thanksgiving, some holidays avoid the uncomfortable and nod towards the patriots. Ain’t nothing wrong with celebrating the fourth of July with some barbeque and fireworks. And hell, why shouldn’t we support our veterans on Memorial Day by opening the pool for the summer?

Despite all of the political and social controversy surrounding different countries around the globe, they feel pride for their national origins. America, the big self-conscious bully, marks its patriotism when it feels threatened. In 2001, after the attacks in New York City, we proclaimed ourselves AMERICANS, loud and proud. Soon after, though, the Southern charm of our leader wore off, and George W. Bush made Americans the laughing stock of the world. Everyone else teamed up and said we were awful, uneducated buffoons.

Just because we had a terribly stupid person representing our nation doesn’t mean we’re all terrible people. Have we really changed that much as an entity now that we have a minority in charge?

One part of our society has become as American as apple pie, and that’s our two-party political system. The citizens developed it in the 19^th century, and ever since we’ve been gallivanting around taking sides; “I’m better than you because I think liberally”; “You must be worse off than me because I’m a Republican.”

Suddenly the tables have turned, because the Tea Party, a libertarian-minded movement, has protested the rest of the political spectrum, claiming that both parties have lost their singular, libertarian touch. The Tea Party hopes to continue instilling some beliefs of fiscal responsibility, stated in their Contract from America.

What’s the beef with the Tea Party, anyway? What’s wrong with wanting to return traditional liberalist opinions? The Liberitarian Party started based on the belief of following an individualistic law, and some people still feel very strongly about that.

On either side of that middle of lays two major parties that make up the United States, and the fact that people don’t necessarily fall on one side or the other isn’t a bad thing. With the rise in globalization and technology, we are more aware of all things foreign—people, places, ideals, and sources of pride. We can share many vantage points that fall on the left and the right of that thin line. The left and right are no longer clear divisions, and therefore the Republican and Democratic Party cannot survive as separate entities.

Being a Tea Party member is only a way of promoting that individual mindset. National holidays, dedicated to honoring our people, can still wave those sparklers around with to doing what’s best without intending to harm others in the way (as long as you don’t get too drunk).

Pride for being American is nothing to be ashamed of any more than our foreign neighbor. Go ahead and wave a flag on these upcoming summer days. It’s what got us where we are today.

Back in December, students here at Kalamazoo College participated in the Core Alcohol and Drug Survey in an attempt to diagnose the alcohol, drugs, and sex students here participate in.  Since there is no indication that anything has changed between then and now, an evaluation of the data allows a relevant diagnosis of the more  nefarious aspects of K social culture and what this says about us as students.

Alcohol and drug consumption within a college demographic is essentially a litmus test for a healthy college community. By getting an advanced education, people in college–while extremely fortunate–are doing an unbelievable amount of good for not just themselves, but their community and the world as a whole.  Principles appreciated in the college academic setting follow graduates throughout their lives, dictating motives of social responsibility and societal contribution.  But, as my father says, “Work hard, play hard,” which, the more I think about it, is sadistically a uniquely American school of thought.  As we progress through college, we (hopefully) learn the wisdoms of how to handle the pressures of academic life.  When encountering adversity, the malleable college student transitions from phases of “freaking out” in their underclassman years to fazes of “there’s some s**t I gotta git done” as they come closer to graduation.  We need to relax.  When we respect our educations, we are able to understand that things are going to be OK.  As a sailor once suggested, “Everything in moderation.” Or, some things in moderation.

For the survey to put the binge drinking quota at five drinks seems a little low, with 48% of students claiming to have “binged” in the previous two weeks.  A 750 ml bottle of wine contains about five five-ounce servings, and a bottle of red hardly seems like reproachable opulence, considering the 55% of respondents reporting that friends would “disapprove” of an incident of bingeing. The most common reasons K students drink are to “break the ice” (81%), to “enhance social activity” (76.2%), to “give people something to talk about” (76.1%), and “to give people something to do” (76.9%).  All this is quite ironic when considering that only 55.9% of respondents claim to have “engaged in sexual intercourse within the past year.” Of course the real number is much lower, probably around 37% or less, according to an informal and unauthorized social survey conducted by Kosmo staff since the release of the Core Survey.  For the apparent lack of “things to do” and the apparent success rate of “ice breakers,” one wonders where all that social energy is channeled.  Indeed, 19.4% of the polled had used alcohol the last time they had sex, an almost identical figure to the 18.3% of respondents who consider alcohol to “make men sexier.”

The largest disparity between K students and our national counterparts came in the categories of academic persistence.  While 22% of a  reference group  of 71,189 students from 148 institutions reported having “performed poorly on a test or important project” due to their alcohol or drug use, only 11% of K students admitted a similar fate.  Furthermore, 30.1% of the aggregated poll “missed a class” due to substance use, more than double the rate of 14.6% found here at K.  Yet the hangover rate at K was higher than the national average–65.2% versus 62.5%–indicating more academic fortitude in the face of typical college party culture.

K also digressed from the national average in our consumption of illicit drugs and marijuana.  When considering “Lifetime Prevalence,” K students consume cocaine (3.8%), sedatives (3.8%), and opiates (1.3%) at less than half the rate of the national average, while matching our fellow Americans in hallucinogens (8.3%), and beating them out in marijuana (52.2% at K versus 45.3% nationally).   No K respondents predicted steroids to have “lifetime prevalence.”

With 74% of underaged K students claiming to have consumed alcohol while at college, the Core Survey brings into question the pragmatism of an “abstinence” oriented campus alcohol policy.  While the school is legally obligated to a “21 means 21″ stance on alcohol consumption, everyone knows this is like a squirrel asking a semi truck to “please desist” before being run over,  as effective as posting a “1 m.p.h.” speed limit sign on I-94 W, and as futile as requesting a hold on further tuition hikes while inflation plays catch-up.  It is silly that the drinking age in the United States is 21 years of age.  While 18 is too european, 19 years would theoretically keep alcohol buyers out of high schools, while in effect allowing students to moderate their own consumption while at college.  Consuming large amounts of alcohol is often a social construction.  Indeed, 67.7% of K respondents “believe the social atmosphere on campus promotes alcohol use,” while 83.2% of students consider “drinking… central in the social [lives] of male students.”  Correspondingly, 49% of K students have “felt pressure to drink or use drugs.”

A drinking age of 21 makes alcohol consumption “something to be desired” for many undergrads, increasing its appeal as a “forbidden fruit.”  Similar to “Alter Boy Syndrome,” where it is the very sheltering of a youth that makes an exploration into the Dionysian so enticing, it is obvious that the very existence of the law is all the encouragement we students need to break it.  Everything about college is a heightened experience intended to mimic the lives and careers it theoretically prepares us to have.  We work hard, worry hard, dream hard, love hard, drink hard, play hard, cry hard, and laugh hard.  For many of us, college really is the first opportunity to live a life that does not involve being home at 7:30 for mommy’s dinner.  It is human nature to take exploration to the extreme, and extreme is the nature of exploration itself.  I see people fall-down drunk at Saturday night parties, covered in their own spittle and viscera who, five or ten years from now are going to be family men and women with respectable jobs contributing to the livelihoods of their fellow man.  Sunday morning, they will pull themselves out of a bed, scrub the slovenly grime off their wretched bodies, drink plenty of water, and prepare for Monday’s class.

It is important to acknowledge that alcohol and drug use is not without its risks.  Alcohol was present in  83% of reported “physical violence,” 100% of “theft involving force or threat of force,” and 50% of “forced sexual touching or unwanted sexual intercourse.”  We’ve all seen someone too drunk, and can name people who’s behavior we feel has changed due to drug use, evident in the  12.9% of K respondents who think they “might have a drinking or other drug problem,” a figure higher than the 10.8% from the national sample.

Like all sins, however, drinking and drug use has its time and place.  Jack Kerouac lived by the mantra of “try never get drunk outside your own house,” or someone else’s house, or a bar… Obviously to live life like a writer who died of a combination of depression and kidney failure would be both unwise and extremely cliché, but Kerouac had a point. When it comes to substance use, don’t allow one part of your life to interfere with another, and when I look around, I think we here at Kalamazoo College are doing just fine.  While any community has its exceptions, by and large, alcohol and drugs seem to provide a seasoning that compliments the already tantalizing academic and social entrée served up here at Kalamazoo.

“The Masters 101″ is part of the 101 series.  I write down what I think about something in 101 words, no more, no less (excluding this preface, of course).  Enjoy!

The stage has never been as grand for a major tournament. After months of dodging public eye, Tiger Woods was stepping back into the swing of golf. Unfortunately, the media and the public embraced Tiger with open arms. Void was the story of Phil Mickelson’s rough road. The lefty spent 2009 rehabilitating surgery while being with his wife, Amy Mickelson, while she battled breast cancer. It is a sick society where the hero of golf spent the past year on numerous sexual escapades. In a sport of “good guys,” it is relieving to see a true hero leave Augusta a champion.