Taking the Grand Staircaise upwards to Egypt, thou Conquered
Territory

By Thomas Gilchrist

KALAMAZOO,
Mich.—A humble journalist’s effort to portray a dear friend’s first encounter
with Psilocybe Semilanceata, presented
as a crude allegory to encourage students patronizing the Upjohn Library
Commons to take the Grand Staircase over the wretched trenches of the Back
Tube.

“T, the camels, they’re brilliant. On to the fucking Pyramids of the fallen gods! To Xerxes, Apollo! Nefertiti, tutnencammen, the Great
Kufu! I need a cigarette.”

“Hey Evan, how you doing.”

“T, it’s brilliant, all of it! The Sights The Sounds The
Smells all here to the future! And to The Pool, the great and glorious Pool,
keeper of manna, holder of dreams, we’re getting closer! We’re getting Closer
to that wondrous air, the freedom of the hills! I need a cigarette. Taner, Where the Devil are you, my good
man! Bring that over here, and let’s have a look at that there whatchamacallit. Never question me, tanner, never,
Never! Never !@ I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that tanner, ole buddy ole
pal—T!—where’s that Cigarette!

“Evan, I’m in Kalamazoo, Michigan. You’re in Egypt.”

“THAT’S RIGHT I am in Egypt look at the camels the sand the
wind the precious jewels the dead mummies Ode to a great and glorious past—T!—I
need that cigarette! Taner! Come
over hear this INSTant I demand of you! This is a must, this is inevitable, I, I am the rule of these hills all
of this, all of this will someday be yours, my son, except for that dark spot
over there. THAT spot is beyond
our borders, you musn’t go there, my son—T—the guns! Men! Boys women children bastard infants—TO arMs we must
”“T—NO! No guns, cigarettes!”

“Evan. It’s two
in the morning”

“But whose morning? Ah, yes. That is the question
WHOSE—taner, goddamnit, you oh, Taner, you shouldn’t have, men board the
camels! We will ride the Grand Staircase to the heavens promised our
forefathers henceforth through this godforsaken hell hole trench battle field
entrapment hell! Ascend! ASCEND,
till death do we climb! On Egypt, on the (so-called) Great Seven Continents ! I
! I have discovered the Greatest of them all! That’s it! Tannnnnnnner it’s
Brilliant come hither at once and behold the Camel and the Great
Expidition—T—!—T—TtttT_ it is a beautiful sight HA HA(!) is it not? T? are you
there? T— have you been listening to what I have been saying?

“Yes, Evan, I am here. Onward, ho, loyal camel; ascend the Grand Staircase, behold the glories
of your conquered empire.”

“I can see you, T, you are here! Here. HERE. THeRE!

“Yes, Evan, yes I am.”