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I’m a Nudge with the Ladies

This Week’s House of Cards

By Caleb WaldronI'm a Nudge with the Ladies

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Posted in CartoonsComments (0)

Hell of a Situation

DogTrain1DogTrain2DogTrain 3Dog Train 4

To Be Continued…

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Posted in CartoonsComments (1)

Eternal Bubblegum

Rubber coated clouds bounce through the sky today

There is a fog of deceit in the city, and a fog of tradition in the country

The cable that runs between continents is rusted but functional

The world plods into the future, repeating the past

Things are good, but they are not great

Most of people try to find their way without really looking

Apparently, only the cynics actually look

The names of everything are temporary and unkempt

The names of everything do not lead anywhere

All the insects of the world would together outweigh all the animals

And that is simply put the beauty of very simple things

How many oceans do we really need to keep us afloat?

What number do I call to order one more?

Most things use battery life

Those that don’t, use the sacred

The sacred is that which we harbor from the winds of truth

Life happens in reverse

You die then you live

You know then you understand

Strange colors streak the brain

It is not a pinkish milkshake, but a swinging set of hues and tones

Multiples are better than singles, that’s love

Buying in bulk is cheaper too

C.R.E.A.M

Crime washes away the best endings, the endings that bring painless tears

Crop circles mean only one thing, pigs on the loose

We are alone in the universe

Remember, we are alone with the universe

Us and the universe. That makes two, so we are really not alone

It is good to see the world as a stick of bubblegum

Chew it, and be free

Today I saw a geyser of gum erupt from the plastic bottle I was carrying

Helpless to arrest the torrent I felt like baggage on the side of the road

Unwanted refuse, unable to capture the care of another

I stood watching the ejaculation ruin the floor, a violent elemental force without a plug

It flowed out 15 feet in the air through an algebraic arc and 15 feet back down to earth.

This outpost will be destroyed in time,

So I struggle to keep the walls upright and I must keep moving

Beyond the suffering there is the next struggle, in the face of apocalypse

We will be flooded over by gum

Such a furious loss will be met with panic at first and later, grief

Grief is apathy and grief is war

The gum cannot be overcome

I set the stool down to cry, because that is what I needed to do

Heaven is not today, tomorrow perhaps, I must keep moving

Gum is so sticky, so hazardous, it does not decompose.

I cry a little more because gum does not decompose,

What can stop this geyser?

I alone, cannot. We together, can try, They, then, simply must.

And this is what life is, the things that are necessary if life is to continue, that is, work.

Beyond life is sweet dripping joy,

Turn the knob left for a full onslaught,

Turn the knob right for a string of glistening beads emerging one by one endlessly

It will happen soon I must keep believing.

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Posted in Poetry, The ArtsComments (0)

Home

By Alix Reynolds

“I don’t quite know what you mean,” Helen said, folding the loose flap back over the box. “We talked about this already. We’ll just take them out to the dumpster.”

“You don’t want to even look through her personal stuff?” the older man asked, swirling his iced tea around, causing the cubes to knock into the sides of the glass with a harsh tinkling.

“No. I’ve had those boxes for weeks. If I had wanted to look through them I’d have done it by now.” She hefted the heavy carton to her hip and took a long swig of her tea before lugging the box to the door. She nudged the screen door open with her knee and slowly navigated the cardboard through the opening before walking quickly to the large green dumpster at the head of the driveway. The man watched her balance the box on the curve of the dumpster as she swung the lip open and then heaved the box over the side and down into turgid black bags of yesterday’s dinner and kitty litter scoopings. When she came back, there was a look of satisfaction on her face.

“That dumpster smells vile,” Helen said, propping the screen door open and brushing attic dust from her slick shoulder. She added a packet of sugar to her tea, and took another drink form her glass. “There’s something about this Caroline head that makes garbage smell stronger.”

“Don’t garbage stink in Massachusetts?” he asked.

“Well I suppose it does,” she said, ripping the top off of another packet of sugar. “But it doesn’t get as sweltering there. The rubbish doesn’t have the chance to stink like that.” She poured the sugar into her glass and stirred it aggressively. “And my neighbors don’t use so much packaging. We eat more fresh food up there, so there’s less to throw away.”

“You mean fresh stuff don’t stink when it rots?”

Helen set down the long stemmed spoon and turned, one mauve-manicured hand resting on her hip.

“Well I don’t know, Marvin,” she said sharply. “But I know that my dumpster in Springfield does not make me retch when I open it. Not even in August.”

“I guess I’m just confused because you seem to think that this is another planet down here. The garbage smells worse, the people talk different, grocery stores are bad…”

“It is another planet,” she said frantically. “My mother’s planet. I left for a reason, you know.” Marvin held up an arthritic hand of surrender.

“She packed those boxes for you to look at, Helen. I helped her, as any good neighbor would, right before she went to the hospital for her last round of chemo.”

“Well, she should have known better. I came down to fix up her house for sale, but I know what’s in those boxes. It’s all the stuff I happily left behind.”

“Well I’m not throwing Frances’s things out,” he said sadly. “It yours now though, so you do what you want with “˜em.” Helen poured another packet of sugar into her glass, still stirring.

“You know, down here, you can buy the tea already sweetened…?” he offered, standing up.

From his kitchen window, Marvin watched Helen carry the rest of her mother’s boxes to the dumpster, noticing that each time she hefted the dilapidated cardboard over the side she did it more slowly than the last time. After her sixth trip, she paused for a second, sniffing the air as she wiped her forehead with her hand, a look of satisfaction growing on her face. As she went back into the house, she closed the screen down behind her. He shook his head sadly as he fed his dog, his bad hip groaning as he placed the full bowl on the floor.

When he heard the sound of a screen door smack shut, he went back to the window and saw Helen gazing into the dumpster, one hand on her hip, the other still clutching the glass of sweet iced tea.

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How I Met Your Mother

By Jeremy Liggett


In an attempt to
Reconcile

The fact that I spilled
Your espresso

All over the front of your
New attire

I will be reserving dinner

At an establishment of
your desire.

The Kosmopolitan Online is:

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